‘’ True self-awareness begins where ego ends.” Unknown author.
In life, one of the most insidious sources of self-inflicted harm isn’t what is familiar – the failure, the betrayal, or even the trauma.Surprisingly it is the ego. Just so that we are clear: Ego is not about self-worth. It is not self-respect. It is not even healthy confidence. The ego, in this context, is something else entirely, it is the addiction to being right, to being seen as competent, and to maintaining control, even when the cost is love, peace, or truth. Sounds familiar ?
It is not uncommon for us to mistake ego for true strength. It is often mislabeled as “alpha energy,” “resilience,” or “unshakeable confidence.” It is not. While true strength serves connection and reality the ego serves only its own fragile narrative. That is the difference.
It is not an enigma to crack. One could easily understand its stealthy nature, by looking at a simple, everyday scene, a mirror for millions.
The Walk That Never Was: Ego in Intimacy
Imagine two lovers strolling through a quiet park at dusk. The air is soft. The light, golden. For a moment, everything is perfectly still. Then, she says something, lightly, playfully, embodying a simple desire: “You always walk so fast. I can never quite keep up.”
He stiffens. Not because her words are cruel, but because they hint at a minor imperfection. To his ego, this isn’t valuable feedback, it’s an accusation. It’s a direct threat to his carefully maintained image as the capable one, the protector, the one who leads without fault. With a bruised ego, instead of slowing down, he speeds up, just slightly. Instead of acknowledging and yielding: “Sorry, I’ll match your pace,” he replies: “If you’d wear proper shoes, you wouldn’t fall behind.”
It is a small jab. A defense disguised as cold, undeniable logic. But the damage is done. The shared moment is broken. The walk is no longer shared companionship; it’s a silent, defensive race. And love, which thrives in mutual softness and presence, begins its slow, painful retreat.
The Illusion of Hierarchy Over Harmony
As one may observe, this scenario transcends gender; it is a universal human pattern of defensiveness. The ego doesn’t care about harmony,it cares obsessively about hierarchy. It treats intimacy as a zero-sum performance where one must win the point. It mistakes vulnerability for weakness. It confuses being respected with being in charge. It masquerades as necessary self-preservation. There is no doubt all of you may have heard this inner argument of your ego’s whisper “I need to stand my ground,”or “I won’t be walked over.”
But does real self-worth need to win the walk ? Isn’t it secure enough to pause, turn, and say, “tell me what you need, and I will meet you there.” Why not walk halfway where you make a compromise ?
Ego as the Inner Lawyer
The ego is not your self-respect, psychologically but one’s inner lawyer who exists solely to argue one’s case, regardless of the evidence.
A confidant would say, “I know my value, so I can listen to critique without crumbling.”
A mind dominated by ego would say, “If I admit I’m wrong, I lose the case, and therefore, I am nothing.”
Resilience bends like bamboo in the storm and survives whereas ego stands rigid, rooted in a fixed, perfect self-image, until the pressure becomes too great and it snaps. True alpha energy is protective, calm, and grounded in self-control, not possessive or combative. When these qualities are filtered through the ego, they become a heavy suit of armor against connection. And armor, no matter how polished, is still a cage built by fear.
Breaking the Cycle: Sovereignty Through Surrender
The path to emotional maturity, and to preserving love, begins with the act of choosing the heart over the inner lawyer which is easier said than done. Healing starts when we ask ourselves the differentiating question, ‘‘am I defending my fundamental truth, or am I defending my fragile image?”. A question truly worth asking.
In the park, the lover could have chosen differently, could he not ? Couldn’t he have smiled, slowed his steps, and intentionally taken her hand? That is no surrender,nor a defeat, it is the truest expression of sovereignty. Because only someone who is truly secure, who knows their immense worth is not tied to walking speed or being right, can afford to be tender. That is the mark of a powerful, mature soul, knowing that love isn’t lost when you yield but is profoundly deepened.
Your ego is not your ally. It is a shadow that mimics strength but feeds exclusively on fear.
True self-worth doesn’t demand constant proof. It doesn’t need to win the argument. It simply is quiet, steady, and unshaken by a single misstep on a golden walk.
So, the next time you feel that familiar tightening in your chest, the burning need to correct, control, or command, please pause and ask: “Is this me protecting my heart… or my ego?”
If you are able to choose the heart, you will discover that the walk, and the love was never about pace at all. It was always, and only, about presence.
Read one Sovereign Minds piece each morning. Not to escape the chaos, but to enter it with your soul intact.
Dhanuka Dickwella is a distinguished Sri Lankan poet, author, and multifaceted professional whose work spans literature, geopolitics, and social activism. Holding a Master’s degree in International Relations, he has established himself as an expert in geopolitics and geoeconomics, fields that inform his analytical and creative endeavours.
His professional portfolio includes significant editorial and journalistic roles: he serves as the Executive Editor of The Asian Reviews magazine, a platform dedicated to bridging the literary worlds of East and West. Additionally, he contributes as a guest writer for the Chicago-based Armenian Mirror-Spectator, focusing on geopolitical issues in the Caucasus region, and as a columnist and guest speaker for Force, an Indian magazine addressing security and defense matters. Dickwella’s career in public service is equally notable. Dhanuka Dickwella is the Chief Coordinator for Canada for the Panorama International Literature Festival 2026. He has been actively involved in Sri Lankan politics, having served as a grassroots politician, political campaign director, and council member of a local government body in a rural Sri Lankan town. Prior to his political engagements, he founded and led a foundation dedicated to empowering youth and supporting underprivileged communities, reflecting his commitment to social equity. Currently, he advises youth groups on political activism and broader political trends, leveraging his extensive experience to foster the next generation of civic leaders. Beyond his analytical and political pursuits, Dickwella is a celebrated poet and blogger whose literary work explores the complexities of human emotion and experience. His debut poetry collection, Voices of Lust, Love and Other Things, showcases his ability to weave personal narrative with universal themes. An ardent climate and social activist, he champions sustainable development and social justice, driven by a vision of a better world for future generations. A proud Sri Lankan patriot, Dickwella is also a devoted father to his daughter, whose influence is a cornerstone of his personal and creative life. Dhanuka Dickwella’s diverse achievements reflect a rare synthesis of intellectual rigor, artistic expression, and civic dedication, positioning him as a prominent voice in both Sri Lankan and global contexts.
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